Welcome to the world full of STARS~~~

Monday, August 29, 2011

 Saturday, 27th August, was the best day in my life this year. Never felt like this before. The feeling was great, splendid. The morning wasn't that great after all as I was having brass band practice. Tiresome, doing exercises continuously for one hour. After that, the percussions were to practice marching. The xylophone was damn heavy and my shoulders were aching.


In the afternoon, going to the library with Terence. Never been to Lutong's library before. It doesn't look like a library though, having hard time finding the library. The library there was better than our school's, i think? The only thing is, the library doesn't have any air-cond there. Quite humid and makes me feel sleepy. 


At night. I was going for a date with Terence. Heading to gcm to watch the concert. The concert was great, marvelous!! Love it. The performance were great. How I wish I could play like them too... What I enjoyed the most were the two guys playing snare drum and Charles Pui, playing the piano.


The way the two guys played the snare drums are cool. They played the snare drums confidently and their marvelous skill impressed me. For Charles Pui, I have a strong impression on him. First, it is because his name, Charles Pui Chow Kit, sounds like one of my classmate, Nick. Second, the way he played the piano, WOW. amazing. I will never be able to play it the way how he play it. Emotions, passions, all in it. He treats the piano like his diary.. 


Lucky that I was able to attend the musical concert. Everything ended up better than I thought. Start everyday with a smile and your day will eventually turns better. That's all from me. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Life?? *sigh

 My life is a mess now. Not knowing what to do, or what should I do. I hope that everything will be okay, I prayed that nothing serious will happen. Worrying isn't the best thing. I have no position and no power to stand up for anyone even if I wish to. I'm sorry to cause trouble for everyone. I know sorry doesn't mean anything.


To survive in this world is not easy....Obstacles are everywhere, following and hunting you. It will never stop until the day you die. Things are hard for me, never felt like this before. I don't feel any stronger but I feel weaker and weaker, in both physical and mental. Wondering how am I going to go through this.... I'm strong but this time, I am not that strong. I cannot overcome my feelings and can't even comfort myself.


 The pain in my heart made me feel so numb. Tears are shed, but it is still the same. Nothing changes. It used to be better after I cried but this time, it doesn't feel any good. It only makes me sleepy and not wanting to do anything. I felt like I'm useless, not fit to be living in this world. But, what can I do? Nothing. I felt so hopeless. 


Heard from Nicholas that the audition for singing competition will be on Friday. According to what he say, only 6 people are chosen. It feels weird... Not knowing whether I get it wrong or not, not really hearing what he said. By the way, I haven't even get my lyrics memorise and haven't even start practicing it. There is always something happening everyday, every hour, every minute and every second. 


Actually, I don't even feel like continuing my life. How I wish I could just end here. But if I do that, I am really stubborn. Only stubborn people do that. Besides, if I leave this world suddenly, how bout those people I cared and loved? I will miss them. I don't want to be separated forever.


The word FOREVER only exists in dictionary. It doesn't exist in our life. There's no such thing as forever. Nobody will end happily forever, it is impossible. Planning our future is useless. There's no need to plan our future. A single second could ruin all your plans. It really will. 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Sunday, 21/8

  What a tiring day.... Sunday has finally come to an end. Tomorrow is Monday, yay!! I prefer weekdays rather than weekends. Helping my mother today as usual. Having a hard time doing things fast. Blame my weak muscles, every part of my body was suffering including my butt. Even sitting on a chair requires some time.

During afternoon, I get to meet someone. I think he looks smart in plain white long sleeve shirt and blue jeans. Anyway, it wasn't that fun but I felt happy. Saw his brother too. I personally thinks he looks better than his brother. He gave me something and when I get to know the content inside, I was thinking, this boy is really unique. No one will ever give me that as a present, even my parents.


Waiting for the time to get home, it finally arrives. Reach home, walking up the stairs, my legs and butt hurt so much. The song that I compose haven't even completed. Lazy to compose it these days... So lazy of me, not knowing when exactly I can finish composing that song of mine. 


This is what I have gone through today. Weekends are always boring for me. It had never been interesting. Today was special, I wasn't that boring for that mere few minutes. I wonder when will weekends be more interesting........  

Saturday, August 20, 2011

 When I was young, time passes slow. Everything seems like it was on slow mode. An hour seems like a week. One day, I asked my mother, "Mum, why does time passes slow?" My mum replied, "It is because you're still young. When you feel like time passes like the speed of light, it means that you're matured."


 When I was in Primary 6, I feel that time passed so fast. After finished Primary 6, I'm telling myself to get better marks and score straight A's in my PMR. In a few blinks, I had finished Form 3. Going to Form 4, a thrilling sensation pricks upon me. Telling myself I'm gonna strike for the best this time.


Entering Form 4, motivating myself to study hard. Next year, I will be sitting for SPM. It was January by then, but now it is August. By the way, September is coming in no time. Time flies. They don't wait for you, never. Treasure every second of your life, don't waste it. 







Wednesday, August 17, 2011

  First of all, Angeline, I would like to thank you the most. You are the one always supporting me when everyone is ignoring me and disapprove with what I have done. You are the savior of the Secret 7 group.
 Second, Kim. I know you cared for me too much and I keep disappointed you. Sorry for that, but this is because you don't know the meaning of love and you never felt it before, that's why. You can describe me with anything you like, but one day, when you actually fall in love, you will understand. I will not held a grudge on you. I will still support you and stand by your side.

Sorry for not mentioning the other 4. Thanks for all who cared for me. I really appreciated it. 
  By the way, I am really happy now. I never felt so happy in my entire life. Thanks for all the advices that you all gave. 


  Being with Terence is not that bad actually. He treat me well and care for me. When I worry for him, he always told me not to worry and fake a smile to ease me. Besides, he never leave me alone no matter how busy he is. He don't make me jealous or drink ethanoic acid. This is what I like best about him. 


I know there are people who talk bad about me but I will choose to ignore them. I can't control their mouths.  Everything will be okay and will always be. Think positively and you will get what you want. Be optimistic, that's what I told myself. 









Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Motivating myself~~

   Day by day, I am becoming lazier and lazier. Going to motivate myself to study harder and work harder on poorer subjects. However,  everytime I reach home, I could not stop myself from pressing the 'on' button of my laptop.


  Going to Form 5 soon and I still haven't master all the subjects. Dreaming of my future how it will be, rather than studying hard now. Should throw away this bad habit. It would only lead me to failure. If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail, a quote from Dr. Fong, the CEO of RRSS. 


  Starting from tomorrow, I should study hard and complete my homework before I play. 
My aim for Semester 2 exam:
1) No RED colour marks is allowed
2) My average- minimum 80%
3) Improvement in all subjects


Hope the desire for playing computer could be control. Hope that I can get flying colours for every test.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Memories~~

 Memories are wonderful, don't they? I know some are not but most are delightful. Memories make us miss those happy moments we had. Happy or not, they are worth remembering.


For me, most of the memories I had are happy moments with those who I cared and loved. Sometimes, reminiscing those memories made me smile. Guess I'm smiling like crazy when I thinking bout the happy moments of the past. 


Living in those memories are not good either. You will never face reality if you buried yourself in memories. Remembering the past can aid in reflecting the flaws in one self but indulging yourself in memories will drive you crazy. 


Going to end here. Not writing much as I was choosing a topic randomly.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Updating my blog for the second time, I have my own reason for doing so.
 
  I try not to feel a thing. I try to act normal. I try not to care anything. I try to smile. I try not to worry about you. I convinced myself by apprising myself that you're okay. Everything will be fine. Despite the pain, I smiled yet the emotion that appears on my face is not smiling. 


 I feel so lost when I'm worried. Seems like you love rain so much, huh? Maybe I am the one who started all this. Shouldn't have existed in the first place, luring trouble for you. Sorry about everything I had done, this is all I can say. I couldn't take back my words, actions and all the deeds. Sorry that I intruded your life.


 I just can't stop myself from caring about you. You're a significant person for me. My mood was totally ruined, even standing upright need strenuous effort. 


 P.S Don't ask anything. Don't ask why, how, and what happened. I'm not going to answer. I feel really down and I need some place to let out what I feel. That is why I updated the second post.

Things that happened today

  Today, the percussions were instructed to arrive the school at 7 am. This was because there was a small test going on. The examiners were Xiao Wei, Alvin Ling and Ah Loi. We were asked to stay in a classroom while waiting our turn. When it was finally my turn, I played it seriously. Unfortunately, I sucks in playing semiquaver notes and not very good in sight reading. The exam ended at 9 something. The time has finally come and we were ask to stand in a straight line. 
 Final results: I get 62.33%. Quite happy as there are some who fail the test. Their comments: I am quite good because I once join band but after that i quit. When I rejoin, I was not in hornline but percussion. Besides, I catch up fast and they said they like it. My weakness: My footsteps are too heavy, my semiquaver notes are not constant. 
Back home, feeling tired. My mood gradually change from time to time. In the morning, I was feeling happy but in the evening, i felt quite down. Feel guilty for something I had done, but it is just too late. 
Not wanting to describe more, not going to details, this matter will be buried deep in my heart. 

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Best thing in life??

 What is the best thing in my life? Guess music is the best thing of my life... It never disappoints me and is a part of my life. Whenever I'm down, music is always there with me. Whenever I'm sad, listening to songs make me feel better. 


 When I'm down, I feel like singing. I would choose a song which lyrics is almost the same as what am I feeling that time. But when I feel miserable, I don't feel like doing anything even listening to songs. At this time, I would like to be left alone in a room without any sound or noise.



Thinking about music, I think I'm going to write a song for myself. I can create lyrics that is similar to what I feel.  Singing a song compose by myself sounds great. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

^^~~Dreams~~^^

  What are dreams? Dreams are images that form in our mind and are not real. Dreams are usually beautiful, marvelous and delightful. I believe that every human has their own dreams, so do I. It's just a pity that my dreams never come true.




   Being involved in activities that I enjoy had been my dream but it seems like it will never come true. I enjoyed playing basketball but my father opposed it. Told him i want to learn table-tennis instead of playing basketball yet he said that it is unsuitable for girls. 
When I bring up the idea of learning violin, my mother told me, learning those will not bring any benefits to your future. If you want to learn, wait till you get older. The idea of learning guitar comes to my mind but my mother said it is not pleasant for girl to play guitar.


 Every hour, every minute, every second, I'm gradually getting older and older. The thought of attending dancing class and art class seems impossible for me. Excuses will only be given to me. How I wish that my dreams can come true.....  


There can be miracles,
When you believe,
Though hope is frail,
It's hard to kill,
Who knows that miracles,
You can achieve,
When you believe.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Tears? Hurt? Pain?

When a person cries, people comforted them by telling them that teardrops are precious. If teardrops are really precious, why do they roll down so easily from our eyes? There are a few reasons that make tears roll down.
  1. They feel extremely happy.
  2. They were touched.
  3. They were acting.
  4. They were heartbroken.
  5. They feel depressed.
Teardrops from my heart is rolling down my cheeks. What makes the teardrops of mine rolls down? Maybe I was happy, touched, definitely not acting *i can't do that* , heartbroken, or depressed... For me, TEARDROPS=HURT.
HURT....Hmm... this word sounds familiar to me. It seems like I have known it since a long time ago. It has been a part of me few years ago. Now, it don't want to leave me. It sticks with me and created a strong bond between. 
Being hurt physically is always better than being hurt inside. I rather get scars all over my body. Wounds in the heart are hard to cure and is uncurable. No aspirin or painkillers could be taken to reduce the pain so let alone healing it.
Every human know what is the meaning of pain and had been through it. The difference is that the pain they are suffering are not the same. Some may be suffering from pain physically while others is suffering from the inside.
Those sad eyes that u're looking into....U never know what they are thinking about.....






They had always hoped for a miracle. They wanted to be happy like others. 

Friday, August 5, 2011

Smile Smile Smile

 Smile, this is what everyone told me when I'm down. The smile word seems like it is smiling. Be happy, that is what my friends say to me when I'm emo. Smile wasn't an easy thing to do if u're not happy. If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own. No one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.
 Recently, I discover something about myself. I wonder why I always laugh....But then, I discover the reason on 4th August 2011. It was merely a habit since young. I can still laugh even I was hurt inside.  Laugh and smile is the best shield to cover your sadness. 

Laugh too much people call you crazy. There's no wrong with laughing. I know fake smile isn't good but being sad in front of people doesn't look good either. Everytime I feel down, friends tend to comfort me and tell me everything will be okay. This makes me feel touched and heavy black clouds will start to gather. That is what I wanted to avoid. 
To those who care for me, thank you very much. I appreciate it. Even I'm not okay, I will still be fine. Although I always say I wanted to commit suicide, I will never do it. I haven't prepared to live in the other side of the world. I don't want to lose my lovely friends. Most importantly, I don't want to spend my life in hell.


I will always be strong because thing will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever!!!





Wednesday, August 3, 2011

     Should I follow my own heart or choose to betray it..... Hmmm........


Some told me to follow my own heart, some told me to think of the future. To decide is kinda hard, not just ordinary hard but real hard. If I choose to follow my own heart, I will be happy for now but not sure bout my future. If I choose to betray my own heart, I will suffer a lot. Who says I never think of my future? I did. Who says I never try to get out the quicksand I'm in? I did. But no one knows. My action can't convinced them, i know that. 






Those sad eyes could be seen when there's no one around. Not everyone knows and understands. This could not be understand easily, it is more harder than subjects in school. Who don't want to be happy? Everyone hopes to be happy and end with a happy ending. I had always follow my heart because I just want to cheer myself up. Is that wrong? Maybe it is but there's no other way for me to cheer myself up unless I follow it. Should I blame my heart then?


I don't want to end up like this. It hurts. Everytime there is a scar, it won't heal completely. Slowly, the scar will become more bigger and obvious. At that time, I will regret. This is not anyone's fault as no one could predict what will happen next. There's no time machine to bring you to the future to see what will happen if you take this path. No device to let you know whether you are walking the right path or not.


No one knows what is waiting ahead of them. The path they choose may lead them to happiness or may ruin their whole life. Not a single person know. Everyone is trying their best to be happy.




   





Monday, August 1, 2011

=+^^~~Friends~~^^+=

Life can be interesting but sometimes it can be so dull that you actually felt bored and is getting tired of living. If my life could be more interesting, i will never think negatively. Never ever. 
As a matter of fact, friends can make our life more interesting. Friends are hard to find especially the good ones. However, i feel so lucky to get to know all my friends. Some are cute, some are funny, some are short-tempered, clever, active, expert in playing comp.games, and etc...I have six sisters, one good friend, and one best friend.
 The first one, Angeline, my eldest sister, is a very clever girl and an expert in dancing. She's a very nice girl and anyone who gets to own her will feel very lucky. She's tall, nice, cute, good-looking, clever..... 
 Here comes the second one, Jun Ni, my second sister. She's also very clever but a lil' bit crazy. She is quite straight-forward and the way she talks sometimes hurt other people and she didn't even realise it. Somehow, it is actually not bad, because i rather get hurt by truth than happy to hear all lies.
 Third one follow by Anthonia. She likes to daydream anywhere and anytime. Her English are marvellous but her Chinese are moderate. She looks pretty when she is smiling and she has something common with me. We both like to hear Korea songs and watch dancing videos.
 Hehe, hear comes The LordVanKim, Kimberley. Remember there's an E between L and Y. This is my fourth sister and she is quite clever too! Her skills in playing computer games are ABNORMAL. Although she is as skinny as a pole, her strength are extraordinary. Do not underestimated her, if not, you won't live long.  
 The fifth sister, Eleen the penguin!! If you do not know her actual age, you will think that she is a kindergarten kid. When she smile, the ice-cream will just melt right away. From the way i'm calling her, you can have the impression that she is cute. Penguins are cute so do her. You won't laugh at her when she is not talking but you will definitely laugh when she opened her mouth. One word to describe: Humorous
 The sixth sister which is known as magnet, Cj Bong. She is a very cute little girl and laugh everytime, everywhere and almost every period in school. She is quite clever too and likes to disturb other people. Her laughs are natural and real. A caring person and a very responsible class monitor. She likes to gossip and busybody about other people's stuff but that shows out her 特真。
 Hmm...next, a good friend of mine. This good friend, unlike others, gave me a feeling that I never felt before. Good or not, I don't know, but I felt lucky to have this friend. This friend is very clever and wonderful in teaching although this person never want to admit it.
 Lastly, my best friend, Eiwenne the Law. She had been my only best friend since Form 1. We always go crazy together especially in Form 1 and 2. We were like small kids fighting but as we grow older, we do not run around the school like old times. We are more matured now, but not so matured. We still play kid's game like rock, paper and scissors and we actually have so much fun playing that. To describe her, she is quite black and has never ever been whiter that me. *except that im in the sun for hours
In a nutshell, these are people who are important for me. There are some I didn't go into details and not wanting others to know how I actually feel. There are some other friends who are also important to me but i did not mentioned as these 8 friends are the most important in my friend and family list. I am sorry if  I had type something that you don't like but this is how I feel. THE END!!!!